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Dear journal, 

          “Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart,” said William Wordsworth, which is something I’ve taken literally throughout my journey of writing. Struggling with grammar issues, heartbreak, not being able to concentrate, dealing with anxiety and procrastination problems, I’ve always tried to leave a drop of my heart into every piece of paper. Choosing topics that matter to me helps me and my writing style and to leave a mark. Trying to define my theory of writing sounds difficult since it depends on what I write. For example, When I write a text to a friend it will be different from a text written to my boss. Also Writing an essay for my English class will be different from an essay I write for a scholarship application. However, after a lot of thinking I realized that with writing I have the freedom to be whomever I want to be whether it is in my story, my poem, essay. I can choose what tone I want my reader to experience, my ideas. I have the power to choose where I sound like the bad guy or the good guy. My writing theory is that freedom and accommodation define the best writings. 

          A fresh start is what I like to call it. Do you ever think that one day you will wake up in the morning and think to yourself “oh to start again in a new place with a new heart” because I most definitely do, however, the only place to start again is in a sheet of paper. This is the piece of paper I will scream my quiet thoughts to; because there is nothing louder than the thoughts I’m too scared to let out. Another thing I like to remember is that at first when I start and don’t know what to write about: that’s all right because my first draft will never be a perfect draft. My first draft could be one sentence, one paragraph, or even literally one word; understandably, we might want our draft to be the full version, however, my first draft shouldn’t be perfect, to allow my imagination to fully respond I have to give it time and thought. What I personally like to do is to write whatever I want in my first draft and then work my way into erasing whatever I think is unnecessary or odd. On the other hand, before starting college I never took writing seriously. My theory of writing back then was to answer the questions being asked, not much to demonstrate and support my answer. During my high school years, my ELA classes were light on writing; We focused more on reading and analyzing texts. To me, this was a great thing because knowing how to analyze a text has tremendously improved my style of writing, in the way of thinking when writing and also when editing. Although, my writing before this class wasn’t serious; I learned to set my writing goals, got inspired by some authors, and lastly, it took me some time to realize that simplicity is extremely important. When I read certain books or essays I tend to put myself down and ask myself “why isn’t mine like this?” Nevertheless, while in this class I learned to write how I talk and to pay no mind to how others write. For example, when writing the source-based essay, I struggled for a few days; not only because I hadn’t written an essay in a long time nor I hadn’t written a big essay. When we wrote the peer reviews I was stunned by how nicely written my classmates’ essay was and how mine wasn’t as great as I thought. These events cause me to have a hard time focusing on my paper, and to struggle with my mental health because I made myself believe I wasn’t a good writer. Although I had chosen a topic that I connect with, I felt like I didn’t know what to write about. I’ve always said I have the mind of a bird when it comes to writing but I’ve learned that you don’t always have to know what to write about from the beginning, the more I stress about it the more difficult it will become for me to come up with what to write. I personally like to distract myself with music, dancing, or anything that has to do with creative expression because it’s something I’ve been doing since an early age. By doing so, I distract myself from all the stress which helps me focus on what I need to do later in the day while calming myself down at the same time. However, it wasn’t always the case when I wrote our first module which was “how has immigration impacted society?” I focused more on sounding like other authors, believing that if it sounded more like them, my paper would be better, not realizing that it wasn’t my own writing, it wasn’t whom I wanted to sound like to the reader. Before writing this essay I read many articles about immigration, I also watched many videos related to immigration which caused me to relate my way of thinking to them and wanting to write like them, not realizing I am my own person, a different person with different writing skills. 

           As previously said, In the source-based essay I focused on the outcome of the essay rather than the writing itself of the essay. This was not the case for inquiry-based essays. This essay caught me off guard, not only because it was the biggest essay I had ever written in my life; but also because when this module was due I was going through a mental state where I was not focused on school as much as I would’ve liked to. The topic I chose for the essay was “what are some theories of how life began?” which is an interesting topic but in the beginning, I chose it randomly. While having a lot in my head one night I decided to sit down and write this essay, not caring about anything or anything. I decided to start with a quote because quotes always make a great start and I wrote and wrote until I couldn’t anymore and I fell asleep, but I was so stressed about this essay I spent the whole night dreaming about the religious beliefs on how life began. The next morning I woke up early and decided to write everything down on a piece of paper because noting down all the ideas is also a great way to write a good paper. While I was finishing up the paper I realized that I didn’t meet the word count so I decided to add an irrelevant story to my essay; since I was writing about the beliefs on how life start and the religious beliefs say Adam and Eve were the first people on earth, I decided to talk about them and explain their story in detail which wasn’t necessarily relevant but it added to the essay so I just went along with it. Although I ended up not meeting the word count. Given the circumstances stated before about my mental health during these times, this essay helped me bust up my confidence, as well as distract me from the real world and its problems. I also ended up learning a lot while writing this essay, before starting to write this essay I did not know how similar Islam, Judaism, and Christianity were in many things; while writing this essay I did a lot of side search about these three religions and spoke to a few of my friends who are Muslim and also to Christians to understand these religions more and also to see how their theories were different on how they believed religion influences their belive of the beginning on life. These events lead up to me understanding the plot of the religious theory because one thing I tell myself when reading is that when I understand the plot of a story, I realize that the author either established something for the reader or they changed what they had already previously established. Therefore, I used this theory to establish my understanding of religious beliefs in my essay. In addition, scientific theory was also something I searched deeply into but since there is a lot on the internet about it, this made it easier to find and understand. 

          Starting module three was very interesting because I was mentally capable of doing my research, taking the time to research to understand what topic was the best decision. After all, before writing my essay I already knew what I wanted to write about. The Monday we got assigned module three, I had a Lacrosse game and I remember getting ready for the game, and then I decided to turn on my Tv, and in the news, they said something about abortion rights and how the government was using these social problems to try and control women. The whole time I was at the game I could seem to get my head off that because as a young woman in the United States of America; I too worry about our future, I worry about our civil rights, the rights for which our ancestors have fought hard for, fighting for equality isn’t asking for much is asking for the rights of humans because we did not ask to be born women; God chose us to be women. Therefore, We as women should have the right to decide about our own bodies. As women we should have the ability to direct our own actions, determine the characters of our actions, and define relationships with other people, so when we are denied the right to think of ourselves as the director of our own actions it makes us question whether the government wants to control us as a society or just women. Each person should have the right to give their opinion their own actions and mistakes, Although, I fight for abortion rights and I stand with the millions of women who have once decided to get an abortion due to any circumstances; Personally, I wouldn’t have the heart to end a child’s life because for once, I would be supported by my family emotionally and financially if needed, and the main reason is also that I have not experienced a traumatizing period of time in my life, but it’s understandable that many women have experienced these whether is throughout their childhood or adulthood these events lead to poor mental health and to making mistakenly wrong decisions. Although many of these women chose to have their children they end up hurting them, getting them to take away by the government, or deliberately giving them into adoption centers, or worst case being murdering these poor kids. Sadly one example of these actions is the case of Gabriel Fernandez. An eight-year-old child was brutally abused and killed by his mother and stepfather. These thoughts distracted me from the game so, in the mid-game break, I decided to write everything down in my notes. After the game was over and I got home I sat down in the darkness of my room to write all my thoughts down causing me to become very emotional. Regardless of that, I believe when I’m more emotionally invested in something I can give voice to that experience through my writing. While processing all these emotional events and gathering the strength to put it all together and write an intense paper and perhaps, create a chance because any story no matter when it was written, whom it was written by, how long it is or how it’s delivered it’s about change. Writing through emotions is the most beautiful thing there is, think about it through music. If I can feel the emotion through the lyrics of a song I’ll be taken by the song, the singer, and the beat. I’ll even feel the emotion through the singer’s voice. However, If I can’t feel anything through the song, I’ll be taken by the beat and singer but not the lyrics, and the song won’t feel the same. Even if the singers’ voice isn’t as great as others when the lyrics transfer the emotion I like the song regardless. Some songs make me cry even when I’m not sad and songs that make me happy even when I’m sad because I can feel the emotion through the lyrics. For this reason, I take music breaks whenever I do anything when writing an assignment, cleaning, cooking, enjoying myself with my friends, and when going on a long car ride not only to calm my emotions but to make me feel happy in order to give it my all in anything I do. As you can see with each assignment we have completed during this semester, I have been able to change my theory every time. Not only while writing big assignments but also when it comes to peer reviews, reading articles, and analyzing them in class. Has influenced me to become better and to change my theory of writing every time. 

           Writing at a college level can be very difficult for some freshman students, especially for those whose high school did not focus on writing, and especially for those who have English as a second language. Building satisfactory writing skills takes practice and effort. Writing allows me to express my emotions and ideas, to understand and to be understood. Although my high school didn’t focus on writing it taught me to focus on critical thinking, reading, and writing in analyzing sources. These sources helped me to focus on my writing during this college semester, allowing me to become more confident with my writing skill and experiences. This class has taught me new writing aspects such as structure and to learn from my writing mistakes which helped strengthen my writing, not only for this class but for the next to come. Learning from my mistakes, instructors, classmates, and experiences is definitely my biggest takeaway from this semester. However, the most significant impact on my writing happened when my boss asked me what my essence was. She described an essence as something made to be most lost but when I lose it I also, caption the anxiety, the distress. Which helps me improve and to find it again in a better way. The abundance of challenges, knowledge, and network that I’ll gain during the time I try to gain my essence back will massively change the impact I can bring to my new journeys. While also teaching me to be open to all the opportunities presented to me and take full advantage of the events to make a greater future for myself and the ones I love. Acknowledging this, she left a blueprint in my heart not only for writing but also for future events in my life. Looking at the stars, looking at how they shine for me and everything I’ve done has turned into something beautiful. Looking back at the past where I drew a line for myself, for all the things I could do but now I can see I’ve crossed that line to become the better version of myself. 

           Overall, This semester has taught me to shape my skills in writing, to become confident in my writing. Coming from a high school where writing was not the focus, English being the second language, Struggling with grammar, not being able to concentrate, dealing with anxiety and procrastination problems, writing was never my strongest skill, I would not consider my writing as a strong subject now but it has definitely improved tremendously. Now that I look back to all the essays I wrote back in high school and at the beginning of the semester, I can see the improvement. Through writing there is knowledge, through knowledge there is writing; Improving my writing has improved my skills in acquiring knowledge through the process of writing. There is nothing more beautiful than growing at your own pace. Sway with the breeze and breathe in the sun. Learn to open my doors to those experiences that can be beneficial for me and my future. Writing at a college level was a personal challenge, but being able to open my heart, to obtain all the knowledge I’ve been given too by my instructions and my peers has taught me to make new skills for my writing and my life outside the classroom. Do it for the joy of it, not because I’m forced to: write every day, every activity, and every emotion, capture my emotions through writing so when I feel down I can go back to it and feel that same emotion over again, just like a picture. I hope I learn as I grow and grow as I learn taking in all the knowledge I’m given. Smile on my face I hope my writing journey does not end. As the great C.S Lewis once said “you can make anything by writing.”